Sat in a hospital waiting room, nervously clicking my high heels and chewing on my lip. I started to people watch. Were all these people in the same situation as me? I read them one by one and worked out why they were there.
The time had come, I had dragged out my monthly hormone injections for 8 months longer than advised. The reason behind this was because I knew I would need to be booked in for a full hysterectomy. This to me was HUGE, I was only young, had just got some normality back in my life and hadn’t fully come to terms with not having anymore children.
I sat and thought about the baby boy I never had and felt sad, then I would snap at myself and say stop being silly you have three beautiful daughters. I was a bag of emotions and having just come from an important meeting at work I was totally overdressed for the occasion.
My consultant gave me a sad look when I walked in and I stopped listening after she said “I can’t allow you to have anymore injections” I stared at her concerned eyes and all these thoughts went running through my mind…Will I die? Will it work? What if I react to the anesthetic? What if I regret not having a fourth child?
I just sat, cried silent tears and thanks to my over-made face started to resemble a scary clown! My consultant hugged me and begged me to tell her my concerns so I did and she rationalised every one of them.
It wasn’t enough to appease me, I declined the consent form and said I would like to go back to the general surgeons and bowel team before agreeing to anything.
I felt so strongly they hadn’t completed enough investigations and begged my spirit guides to back me up. I felt like I was going round and round in circles again, however my instincts turned out to be right….