I always wanted a big family, to me there is nothing better than a house filled with chaos and love.
The feeling you get when you hold your new born for the first time. It’s just incredible. So when my new consultant suggested I have an injection to start the menopause I was devastated. She knew some thing was bugging me so I was honest and said “I want more children” she gave me a crazy look and said “Katie, you have no quality of life, what other option do you have?”
The thing was I hadn’t spoken to Mr H about us having more children and felt more would just happen as and when.
I refused the treatment and drove home crying whilst listening to tragic love songs. Obviously looking back my hormones were all over the place. I googled the treatment and it looked awful I could possibly end up with awful side effects and ruin my insides even further.
I felt so disconnected to spirit, myself and was totally wrapped up in misery. I started only eating heavy carbs and my stomach was swelling more than ever. I then started to lose loads of blood from my back passage and had to start wearing sanitary towels to absorb it.
Its important to note I’m painting you a tragic picture here and I want you all to understand that whilst this was awful, I was ok. There were some days that were good and I felt slightly well.
It was at this point I gave in and agreed to the menopause treatment. I was angry at spirit, surely if there was anyone looking after me they wouldn’t allow this to happen.
That first injection into my tummy I knew I had said goodbye to any future children and I lay on the hospital bed with tears in my eyes. The nurse said “You’ll get used to the pain” I just smiled.
This was such a huge turning point in my life because guess what? I finally started to feel better. I could return to work and despite the bowels issues I was making progress.
I can’t begin to tell you how happy I was that something was finally working. It felt too good to be true and I banned everyone from talking about how well I looked as I was terrified it would all change in a heart beat.
And then came the sweats…..