Grief is a weird one, it can break you, it can make you question your life, it can be the wake up call you need.
I’ll never forget the first time I felt someone’s grief, I was a young child in hospital I suffer with asthma and spent a great part of my childhood in the children’s hospital. One evening on the ward, I woke to the most painful ear piercing cry, it went through me and I knew at the age of 7 that the lady had lost her child. I clung to my teddy wrapped the covers over me and said a prayer. I felt her pain in my heart it was so strange. I asked my mom “has that lady lost her child” my mom said “no of course not with tears in her eyes”
The next time I witnessed what grief can do to was whilst out clubbing with Mr H. We were having such a good time dancing away and then I couldn’t find him. My brother in law went to look for him and found him crying in the stairwell.I was drunk with pink fluffy shoes on and I plonked myself next to him and put my arm around him. I was only 18 and hadn’t a clue what to do until he said “this is the first time I’ve cried about it” I was confused what was he going on about.. I stayed silent though and he poured his heart out. His nan had died six months ago he hadn’t been able to show any emotion, he had felt guilty for not telling his nan how much he loved her. She spent the last part of her life living with them and my Mr H had spent that time out of the house as much as possible as he couldn’t bear to see her.
I listened and held him whilst he sobbed belly tears on my shoulder. We stayed in that stairwell for well over an hour and that moment cemented our relationship. I didn’t say a word I didn’t need to. I often think in these situations non of us know what to say but more often than not words aren’t needed. The next day he felt much better and he started to talk to me about all his fond memories.
He loved her so much and when I suggested (many years later) we honour her name by naming one of our daughters after her, his face lit up!
I remember my mom behaving strangely after my Grandad died she completely redecorated the house.
It was awful and not her taste at all, we all kept quiet and sure enough 3 years later she said “What the heck have I done to the house?” She had realised that she had kept herself so busy so she wouldn’t have time to think.
Grief can do funny things to you but there is no right or wrong way to handle it. It’s best to let it out in its own weird way. Remember you will be ok, you will feel like you again, you will heal just let it out…