Oh the pain! I have never felt anything like it, I thought childbirth was bad but this was awful. Every time I stood up felt my insides drop.
Trying to get to the car from the ward was like the biggest challenge of my life.
I made it downstairs and Mr H said he would bring the car round.
Unluckily for me a fight broke out in the foyer between two males.I was in so much pain and totally on the edge I shouted at them “Oi, you are in a hospital, I have just had major surgery and quite frankly I’m not sure I’ll make it to the car! Have some respect” They all stopped, were stunned at my outburst they muttered sorry and offered to help me to the car!!
I was so tired, looking back though I think it was mainly my soul that was tired. Tired of the fight, the internal battle I was having with myself trying to fulfill this need or desire that was trying to come out.
I allowed myself time to recover, my family and close friends were beyond amazing. They bought me food, looked after the girls, tidied up, helped me shower, one of my friends is a nurse and she visited everyday to clean and bathe my stitches. I was so grateful to all of them.
There was a part of me not convinced the operation had worked. I had braced myself that this battle wouldn’t be over and I would be back at the hospital again. What if they had missed something crucial?
I also felt like my gift had disappeared! Every time I spoke to spirit there was nothing?! I received no signs, no chatter, nothing. I went in a mood with them and decided whilst resting in bed I was going to find my calling.
I was scrolling through Facebook and I found a lady that was massively successful in network marketing. There were pics of her on holiday, on fun days out with her family and then working flexibly from anywhere in the world. I had been part of network marketing before but not taken it seriously. This was it, my answer, I could run my own business from home and if I relapsed with my health I wouldn’t have to go through the trauma of letting down my colleagues and feeling like I had failed again and again…
I messaged the lady and we arranged to meet a few months later. That was all I needed, I had a plan, there was hope. Goodbye mean spirit that decided to abandon me, I had a new plan.
Little did I know my new plan wasn’t actually my plan, it was theirs and I was constantly being guided by them every day in every way…..