I remember the day I found out I was expecting baby Lilly, I had been out partying the night before with my friends and every drink was making me feel sick. I remember shouting in my friends ear over the club music “I think I might be pregnant” to which she replied “Nah, you’re probably coming down with something”

 

The next day at 6pm I was still hungover and feeling awful so I took a test and hid in the toilet waiting anxiously for the result. I always wanted a big family to me there is nothing better than a house full of children, I seem to thrive on chaos and have so much love to give. Mr H however is the practical one in our relationship and always thinks logistically. I held onto the stick and waited, I heard a little voice say “Congratulations you will have a beautiful baby girl” I looked around the bathroom thinking what the heck did I drink last night!! Spirits only really talk to me when I am “tuned in” Sure enough the stick showed a positive result and I took a deep breath and broke the news to Mr H.

 

Even though I wanted a HUGE family I knew Lilly would be my last, I savoured every moment of my pregnancy with her, I had been training with a personal trainer for months before I was pregnant and was in the best shape of my life. I’ll never forget the look on the trainers face when I told her I was expecting…so funny. I kept up the gym and was this trim, glam pregnant, glowing lady. I ate really healthily and felt great until I had my 20 week scan and they discovered one of my kidneys was in trouble. Baby Lilly had decided to sit on the ureter tube and cause the waste flow to travel back towards my kidney and it was now swelling. I was in pain, lethargic but hadn’t really thought anything of it.

 

They decided to admit me to hospital and placed me on a kidney ward with the most ill patients I have ever seen. The hospital was old and is never a great place for a psychic, I was seeing spirits everywhere and had no control over them suddenly appearing. I was on a ward with some amazing ladies sadly some of them are no longer with us. These lovely ladies were suffering kidney disease and failure. I was fascinated by them, how were they so calm? They were all so young, I became emotional talking to them and felt terrible lying next to them with my very minor pregnancy related kidney problem.

 

I remember them saying to me to not be emotional or feel sorry for them it is what it is, this is how their life was meant to be. So I made the conscious decision to be the comedian on the ward, we played games, read magazines, I did their hair, we laughed until it hurt. It was like a club, even the nurses would come and take their breaks with us. Then visiting time would arrive and I watched as the families came and cried round the bed and I could see the sadness creep over my new friends. They told me that was the hardest part for them, not the treatment or feeling like absolute shit but seeing their families in pain.

 

Those two weeks changed me as a person, I realised I could make a positive impact on people, I could put my gift to better use, I had a greater appreciation for life…

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